New Woman Blues - A Different Point of View

In my post, New Woman Blues, I discussed the phenomenon of psycho ex-girlfriends and ex-wives who stalk, threaten, and attempt to abuse the new girlfriend or wife. Having personally experienced this, New Woman Blues, briefly summarized the awful experience.

Recently, Anonymous posted a comment addressing the other side of the equation. The Ex-girlfriend or Ex-wife who is being strung along. The Ex who is being made to believe that reconciliation is possible even inevitable while the man is gallivanting around with this woman and that woman. Here is the comment...

"Most likely the ex-boyfriend/ex-husband is still sleeping with the ex-wife/ex-girlfriend and she is po'd. Many guys string along their ex's...benefits: sex, emotional support (they were to meet some need at some point), financial reasons (ie- she may take me to court), children, etc.I have seen it so many times and been there myself. My ex-husband of 12 years led me on staying with me so he wouldnt prentending to reconcile. In the meantime he was meeting other women and when one came along who was willing to buy him anything, ignore his alcohol problems and jet him off on vactions, he finally left.

I say good riddance but the new gf swears he wasnt with his family (to make herself feel better). The only contact is lawyers, lawyers and more lawyers. I wont stoop to her games (she sends me bikini photos of herself). She hates that he has to pay alimony and child support. You are better off finding someone who isn't tangled up with an ex. Someone who is free and clear to give his whole heart to you. Why would you want someone else's trash anyway? Getting involved with men with such issues leads to question your own self-esteem...Don't play saviour to these men and don't put yourself in the middle if you don't want the drama. Find someone who isn't involved somehow with his ex- that's what I have done!"

Anonymous... you raise an excellent point. In my situation, the EX only came back after I became the new woman. She has even admitted, albeit to others we know so I know this is considered heresay, that she was angry the he moved on so quickly. That is definitely a control issue. You can't break up with someone and then decide when they are allowed to move on. Give me a break! In this situation, I agree wholeheartedly with the comment left by Mr. M.

Yet, there are always two sides to every coin. So today, we shall look at it from your side. Without a doubt, it was wrong for your Ex and others like him to lead you or anyone else for that matter on. Break-ups are beyond difficult and certainly wreak havoc in your life. When the Ex, whether male or female, continues to play on the other's emotions by constantly engaging and disengaging the relationship or making false promises it becomes a toxic situation. The self esteem and self worth of the person holding on to hope diminishes. The relationship disintegrates into something unrecognizable. Ironically, so does the brokenhearted lover.

Inevitably, a decision must be made:

Option 1. Dump this loser - I am worth more than that! or

Option 2. Fight to the bitter end and let the best person win!

I choose Option 1, because even though you don't initially realize it, NO ONE wins when you choose Option 2. I refuse to one day look up and find myself on the wrong side of the Courtroom because I am being charged with stalking, assualt, or battery. I refuse to "win" at the expense of tearing apart the life of someone else - an innocent someone else. I refuse to stoop to that level.

Your thoughts...

Common Ground

Today I visited MenWeb, the site that openly discusses the abuse that men face at the hands of women. I commend the originator of this site as it exposes the reality faced by many men today. In my unsolicited opinion, I believe that the exposure is needed now more than ever. I believe three things...

1. Men are abused by woman.
2. Men rarely report the abuse.
3. Men experience unfair treatment in the Courts for domestic violence.

However, I do not know if I am ready to believe that men experience abuse as often as woman or with the same level of brutality. Please keep in the forefront of your mind that - I 100% support EQUAL treatment for both men and women victims of domestic violence. Yet, I personally know many women who experienced violent and brutal abuse and today still live with the after effects of that abuse.

My proposal is that we stop comparing the statistics of violence upon men and woman and work together to advocate:

• Violence free relationships.
• Protection for the abused.
• Swift punishment for the abuser.

The damage of domestic violence is long lasting regardless of who experienced the abuse. In addition, if children are involved the effect travels from one generation to the next - from the inability to enter into committed relationships to the increased propensity to become an abuser, to the personal acceptance of abusive behavior.

If you know of any advocate groups or websites that call for equality in domestic violence for both men and women, please share.

Domestic Violence - The Other Side?

After viewing the post dated Thursday, January 24, 2008, titled Hair Salon Discussions - Domestic Violence, Mister-M co-author of "The Psycho Ex-Wife" left a very passionate comment that I thought needed some exposure.

Check out the comment below and let's discuss...


"I think many people, both men and women are grossly misinformed when it comes to domestic violence and how statistics (in either direction) can be skewed. Recent studies, some multinational, overwhelmingly show that in a relationship, women are almost as likely as men to initiate violence. When you factor in that mandatory arrest policies which exist in most states usually means "arrest the man" - we can't really know how often men are arrested for domestic violence when the reality is - they were defending themselves, oftentimes against a woman wielding a weapon.

It doesn't matter - if a woman shows any damage whatsoever - the man is going to jail regardless of the circumstances. Let's continue - throw in the reality that men have historically been told to "man up and deal with it" - are laughed at by authorities when they report DV - are shunned by abuse centers which are supposed to assist equally - the underreporting of woman-on-man domestic violence is a humongous factor as well.

Finally - just look at the press. All a woman has to do is claim "abuse syndrome" - whether there is any evidence of it or not - and get away with murder (most recently the woman who shot her reverend husband IN THE BACK WITH A SHOTGUN - killing him). Women are rarely, if ever, punished equally for committing like similar crimes as men. It's all about the societal perception and the radical feminist mantra that "we live in a patriarchal society" blah, blah, blah... women are always the victim and men are always the oppresser. Not true - but most people don't care to look more deeply into the issues. They take what is spoon-fed them by the media and what the popular, radical feminist agenda is - and that's their reality. No, I am not a woman-hater. What I don't like is how the laws of this land overwhelmingly favor the women of this country - in criminal court, in civil court, and in divorce and family court... and society at-large is suffering significantly as a result.

That is... men, women, children... families. Everyone. The reason we can't often have reasonable discourse about it is that everyone has their inherent biases and it's very hard for people to set them aside for the greater good. It's all about "what's good for me."

Check out http://www.batteredmen.com for a peek at the other side, whether you like it or not."

What do you think?

Very Bad Behavior

Break-ups, especially divorces are hell! They often bring out the worst in people - I believe that most would agree that during this time in their lives they probably said the most unbelievably hateful things. They may have even participated in embarrassingly bad behavior. Whenever I talk with people who "reminisce" about the bad behavior they displayed, many fail to take responsibility for the behavior and are quick to place blame on their EX. I'm sure the same is true of the EX whose temper tantrum was the source of negative impact.

I once knew of someone who had their credit cards stolen by an EX in retaliation. One EX stalked the new significant other. Another started calling their Exe's family members and spreading lies. Even better, another believed their phone was tapped. And, perhaps the scariest one of all was the Ex-husband who forced his way into his Ex-wife's home and stole her personal belongings. Although, I am torn between that one and the Ex-wife who set her Ex-husband's office on fire.

Why do Exes do these kinds of things? When does the revelation hit that there is life after a break-up or divorce?

Why do we participate in such bad behavior?

Alcohol Therapy

Have you ever wondered how many tabs in the bar result from a break-up? Or how many therapy sessions resulted from break-up bar tabs?

Can't you see a table of single women sitting at the bar...

"Jodie...he was such a loser! You are sooo better off without him!"
"I'll drink to that!"

OR

"Juanita (Jordan that is) you made history with your divorce settlement! $168 million is a boat load of money!"
"I'll drink to that!"

OR

"What am I going to do? I am miserable without him"
"Don't worry girl, things can only get better. You need a drink."

OR

"The guy at table 5 thought you could use a little cheering up. He's buying the next round."

Regardless of your situation...the "Bitter Ex-Girlfriend in Recovery" t-shirt expresses the sentiment perfectly!

To see other "Bitter Ex-Girlfriend in Recovery" products or to order click here:
http://www.cafepress.com/thoughtsexactly.182174173#

Beautiful or Bitter?

Here is the question for today... You and your Ex have recently ended your relationship. Are you Beautiful or are you Bitter?

Say exactly how you feel with a bumper sticker from My Thoughts Exactly! Check out additional Bitter Ex Bumper Stickers at: http://www.cafepress.com/thoughtsexactly.184121582

Be prepared to be shocked! Don't be afraid to shock others!

Bitter Ex Victim

The gift that just keeps on giving. Or the EX that just keeps on stalking! Sometimes no matter how hard you try...you just can't get rid of them. Male or female, it doesn't matter, relax in these comfy boxer shorts.

What do you do? Put the world on notice!

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