Marital Relationship vs. Marital Assets

My first job out of college was in a small law firm. At that time I worked as a paralegal with attorneys who specialized in domestic relations and criminal law. Typically, after the attorney was retained, I was responsible for meeting with the client to prepare all documents necessary for filing the Complaint for Divorce or Dissolution with the Court of Domestic Relations. In addition, I filed all of the paperwork, obtained restraining orders, set court dates, etc. Throughout the case, I operated as the liaison between the attorney and the client, to answer questions regarding the status of the case. As you can tell, I spent a great deal of time hearing about the marital problems.

The one thing I found interesting was how ugly the proceedings became during the division of marital property. Couples would quibble ad nauseam over the division of pictures, bank accounts, debts, real property, 401K savings plans, automobiles etc. It was typically during this stage of the divorce when attorney fees skyrocketed due to numerous unproductive meetings and hearings attempting to divide the marital property to the satisfaction of both parties. What I found lacking was how rare it was to see someone argue about saving the relationship.

I understand that there are some instances where saving the relationship is virtually impossible - numerous occurrences of infidelity, abuse, and the like. But often that simply wasn't the case. In some instances external drama began to negatively affect the marital relationship. In other instances, as one person began the journey of personal improvement - for example obtaining degrees in higher education or losing weight, that individual developed a new sense of independence. While increased self esteem is wonderful, it was odd to see those individuals no longer found a need for their spouse. In many cases, couples who initially were inseparable could no longer get along and chose to terminate the relationship. Citing excessive bickering and ultimately incompatibility.

Oddly enough, these were the couples that quibbled the most over their material possessions. So I began to ask myself..."When did the value of marital assets become more important than the value of the marriage?"

• $3000 - armour
• $20,000 - vehicle
• $15,000 - equity in real property
• $1,000 - oil painting hanging over the living room sofa
• $250 - stainless steel cookware

Our firm often obtained restraining orders not for individual protection or for the protection of the children, but for the protection of assets. Protection to ensure that one spouse did not vandalize the home or personal property. Protection to ensure that one spouse did not empty bank accounts leaving the other penniless. Protection to ensure that one spouse did not increase credit card debt to the detriment of the other.

I was simply amazed.

Brittany...Again?

How many of you are tired of hearing about Brittany Spears in the news?

Yes, Brittany is going through a divorce. SO WHAT! So are almost 60% of married couples in the United States. But do you see even 5% of those couples on the news? In the newspaper? In the tabloids? Or on entertainment television shows?

Do you really care that Brittany Spears and Kevin Federline are unable to resolve their marital differences amicably? I don't!

Are you titillated by the fact that Brittany Spears possibly has an alcohol or drug addiction? I'm Not!

Are you really interested in the fact that Brittany has more DUI's at this point than hit records? Not really!

Seriously, why are photographs and videos stockpiling within the electronic libraries, databases, and Internet files showing Brittany Spears transporting her children without a license... again?

Relationships are hard enough as it is. What is the purpose of pursuing someone who is obviously unhappy simply for profit? It seems morbid if you ask me. But then again no one did, which is why we are being bombarded with these images daily.

Brittany and Kevin need divorce counseling. Brittany probably needs substance abuse counseling. If this insipid nonsense continues, their children will need psychological counseling. And Kevin...well he probably needs image counseling.

Now that's the end of the story!

Hillary Clinton Talks About Adultery

TYRA GETS HILLARY TO TALK ABOUT BILL'S CHEATING: Sen. Clinton gets real personal during taping of Banks' talk show.

During a taping of the "Tyra Banks Show" Monday, Hillary Clinton spoke candidly and at length about the pain she endured when her husband, former president Bill Clinton, had his White House fling with former staffer Monica Lewinsky.

“I really had to dig down deep and think hard about what was right for me, what was right for my family,” the Democratic presidential hopeful told Banks in an appearance set to air Friday.
In explaining her decision to stay in the marriage, she told Tyra: “I never doubted Bill’s love for me ever, and I never doubted my faith and my commitment to our daughter and our extended family.”

Her initial reaction to his infidelity, however, was not as diplomatic. In fact, she admitted to dealing with a range of emotions – from anger to embarrassment.

“The momentary feelings — you know, you are mad, you are really upset, you are disappointed — all of that goes through your mind …” Clinton said. “I have found you really shouldn’t make decisions in the heat of those moments.”

After surviving such a high-profile affair, Banks noted, women must come up and say, "My husband is stepping out on me," and ask, "What is Clinton’s advice?"

"I say you have to be true to yourself," Clinton said. "No one story is the same as any other story. I don’t know your reality. I can’t possibly substitute my judgment for yours. … You have to do what is right for you and that may not be what anybody else believes."

After reading this interview on EURWeb, I gained a new respect for Hillary Clinton. During the highly publicized and scandalous affair between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewisnsky, I erroneously concluded that Hillary only wanted Bill for his position, power, and money. She appeared to be nonchalant even removed from the entire situation. I remember thinking, "What is wrong with that woman! Her husband publicly humiliated her and she does nothing but stand beside him and smile!"

This interview allowed me to see Hillary Clinton as human. A real woman and wife who was crapped on and lived to tell about it. Even still a committed woman who made the decision to fight for her marriage. It made me stop and think...

How often does this happen? One spouse enters into an adulterous relationship, however, due to a variety of circumstances (position, children, etc.) the innocent party cannot outwardly display their emotions? The innocent spouse grins outwardly, yet suffers inwardly. Hhmm...

Bridesmaid Mania - What's The Point? Part 2

Well I said this blog would contain random musings about relationships, break-ups, divorce, etc., so here's a random musing...

In Part 1 of this post, I disclosed that I had previously been a bridesmaid in 8 weddings, 6 of which ended in divorce. That's about a 75% divorce rate...Sheesh! That 's simply awful, but the topic for another post.

I remember, being admonished that the role of the bridal party is to stand as witnesses before God to the covenant relationship. I was also instructed that if either of the parties (bride/groom) were found violating their covenant relationship (the marriage) that I had the right to tell them they were wrong and remind them of the vows they had taken before God and man alike. Well, I held up my end of the bargain...yet they still divorced.

Let's take a trip down memory lane...

Here's how the whole bridesmaids role began (per Wikipedia):

A bridesmaid is a girl or young woman who attends to the bride during or after a wedding or marriage ceremony. Traditionally, bridesmaids were chosen from unwed young women of marriageable age. The principal bridesmaid is called the maid of honor (or matron of honor if she is married). A bridesmaid is often a close friend or sister. Often there is more than one bridesmaid: in modern times the bride chooses how many to have. Historically, no person of status went out unattended, and the size of the retinue was closely calculated to be appropriate to the status of the personage. (Okay, we knew that!)

In early Roman times, bridesmaids formed a kind of bridal infantry as they accompanied the bride to the groom's village. This "protective shield" of similarly outfitted bridesmaids was supposed to intervene if any wayward thugs or vengeful suitors tried to hurt the bride or steal her dowry. (Thank goodness for the police...unless of course you are Rodney King.)

However, the Western bridesmaid tradition seems to have originated from later Roman law, which required ten witnesses at a wedding in order to outsmart evil spirits believed to attend marriage ceremonies. The bridesmaids and ushers dressed in identical clothing to the bride and groom, so that the evil spirits would not know who was getting married. Even as late as 19th century England, there was a belief that ill-wishers could administer curses and taint the wedding. (What about the evil people who seek after and enjoy relationships with married men and women? How do we ward them off?)

Why did you become a bridesmaid? Even better, would you do it again?

Is Marriage A Fairytale?

Amidst the newspapers spouting off about the increased divorce rate. The tabloids highlighting the most scandalous celebrity divorces. Not to mention the daytime soap operas and prime time dramas that consistently glamorize adulterous relationships, estranged spouses, and abusive husbands and wives. Have you begun to wonder...Is marriage a fairytale?

Does the fear of failure shroud our relationships? Is society creating as self-fulfilling prophecy when it comes to marriage? Do we have any positive images of male/female dating and marriage?

I believe in the power of the bond between a husband and wife. It is a prized and coveted intertwining of lives. It is NOT an anomaly in this nebulous entanglement of relationships that we are party to. Yes, there are bad relationships, just like there are bad restaurants. People are human and sometimes make poor choices and decisions ranging from their selection from the dating pool to how to handle relationship conflict. But can these mistakes be rectified? Absolutely! Divorce is NOT the only answer!

The advice that I would give to couples contemplating marriage as well as those that are newly married would be...

1. Love your significant other like you love yourself. Never treat him in a manner that you yourself would not want to be treated.

2. Commit to the relationship. There are days that you may not like her or even feel like you don't love her. On those days allow the power of your commitment to save your relationship.

3. Never get married and expect him to change. The way he is today is the way he will always be. If you don't like him and you are just dating, why marry him? And if you did marry him, GET OVER IT! You are not perfect either.

What advice would you give?

Beautiful or Bitter?

Here is the question for today... You and your Ex have recently ended your relationship. Are you Beautiful or are you Bitter?

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Be prepared to be shocked! Don't be afraid to shock others!

Bitter Ex Victim

The gift that just keeps on giving. Or the EX that just keeps on stalking! Sometimes no matter how hard you try...you just can't get rid of them. Male or female, it doesn't matter, relax in these comfy boxer shorts.

What do you do? Put the world on notice!

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Bitter Ex-Wife By Choice

Ex-Wife does not equal the end of life. Be Strong, Be Sexy, Be Bitter...it's your choice! Flaunt your stuff and your diva status in this very sexy tank and thongs. See more at: http://www.cafepress.com/thoughtsexactly/3920925