Common Ground

Today I visited MenWeb, the site that openly discusses the abuse that men face at the hands of women. I commend the originator of this site as it exposes the reality faced by many men today. In my unsolicited opinion, I believe that the exposure is needed now more than ever. I believe three things...

1. Men are abused by woman.
2. Men rarely report the abuse.
3. Men experience unfair treatment in the Courts for domestic violence.

However, I do not know if I am ready to believe that men experience abuse as often as woman or with the same level of brutality. Please keep in the forefront of your mind that - I 100% support EQUAL treatment for both men and women victims of domestic violence. Yet, I personally know many women who experienced violent and brutal abuse and today still live with the after effects of that abuse.

My proposal is that we stop comparing the statistics of violence upon men and woman and work together to advocate:

• Violence free relationships.
• Protection for the abused.
• Swift punishment for the abuser.

The damage of domestic violence is long lasting regardless of who experienced the abuse. In addition, if children are involved the effect travels from one generation to the next - from the inability to enter into committed relationships to the increased propensity to become an abuser, to the personal acceptance of abusive behavior.

If you know of any advocate groups or websites that call for equality in domestic violence for both men and women, please share.

Domestic Violence - The Other Side?

After viewing the post dated Thursday, January 24, 2008, titled Hair Salon Discussions - Domestic Violence, Mister-M co-author of "The Psycho Ex-Wife" left a very passionate comment that I thought needed some exposure.

Check out the comment below and let's discuss...


"I think many people, both men and women are grossly misinformed when it comes to domestic violence and how statistics (in either direction) can be skewed. Recent studies, some multinational, overwhelmingly show that in a relationship, women are almost as likely as men to initiate violence. When you factor in that mandatory arrest policies which exist in most states usually means "arrest the man" - we can't really know how often men are arrested for domestic violence when the reality is - they were defending themselves, oftentimes against a woman wielding a weapon.

It doesn't matter - if a woman shows any damage whatsoever - the man is going to jail regardless of the circumstances. Let's continue - throw in the reality that men have historically been told to "man up and deal with it" - are laughed at by authorities when they report DV - are shunned by abuse centers which are supposed to assist equally - the underreporting of woman-on-man domestic violence is a humongous factor as well.

Finally - just look at the press. All a woman has to do is claim "abuse syndrome" - whether there is any evidence of it or not - and get away with murder (most recently the woman who shot her reverend husband IN THE BACK WITH A SHOTGUN - killing him). Women are rarely, if ever, punished equally for committing like similar crimes as men. It's all about the societal perception and the radical feminist mantra that "we live in a patriarchal society" blah, blah, blah... women are always the victim and men are always the oppresser. Not true - but most people don't care to look more deeply into the issues. They take what is spoon-fed them by the media and what the popular, radical feminist agenda is - and that's their reality. No, I am not a woman-hater. What I don't like is how the laws of this land overwhelmingly favor the women of this country - in criminal court, in civil court, and in divorce and family court... and society at-large is suffering significantly as a result.

That is... men, women, children... families. Everyone. The reason we can't often have reasonable discourse about it is that everyone has their inherent biases and it's very hard for people to set them aside for the greater good. It's all about "what's good for me."

Check out http://www.batteredmen.com for a peek at the other side, whether you like it or not."

What do you think?

Hair Salon Discussions - Domestic Violence

While sitting in the hair salon, we had a great debate over the treatment of men and woman in the court system when domestic violence is involved. While all agreed that domestic violence is wrong, there was a distinct underlying bias toward women.

Argument A: One woman, in a nutshell, argued that they didn't care one way or the other if men received harsher penalties than a woman for the same offense. The justification was based on the fact that the likelihood of a man causing significant harm to a woman is far greater than a woman causing lasting harm to a man. Additionally, the sheer numbers of men abusers versus women abusers speak for themselves. Men are far more likely to abuse a woman than the other way around. Harsher penalties for men should send a message.

Argument B: One woman argued, does it really matter who can cause the most damage? What matters is that a person, whether male or female has the right to expect that when in the presence of another individual to feel safe. Safety includes without the threat of being abused and if abused that the legal system would be just and swiftly punish the abuser. The numbers don't matter. If we excuse bad behavior, because it's a woman, what are we teaching our children? What example is society setting?

Argument C: Finally, a third woman argued the motto, "If you do something harmful to me...shame on you. If you do something harmful to me again...shame on me." Basically, people are crazy these days and you cannot expect the legal system to protect you. Your number one defense is you. If you - whether male or female find yourself in a domestic violence situation for the first time, you are a victim. After that initial situation, it is your responsibility to protect yourself. If that means never coming in contact with the abuser again, then that's just what you have to do. Thus protecting yourself from being abused again. If you repeatedly find yourself in an abusive situation, then you are the problem.

What do you think?