Hair Salon Discussions - Domestic Violence

While sitting in the hair salon, we had a great debate over the treatment of men and woman in the court system when domestic violence is involved. While all agreed that domestic violence is wrong, there was a distinct underlying bias toward women.

Argument A: One woman, in a nutshell, argued that they didn't care one way or the other if men received harsher penalties than a woman for the same offense. The justification was based on the fact that the likelihood of a man causing significant harm to a woman is far greater than a woman causing lasting harm to a man. Additionally, the sheer numbers of men abusers versus women abusers speak for themselves. Men are far more likely to abuse a woman than the other way around. Harsher penalties for men should send a message.

Argument B: One woman argued, does it really matter who can cause the most damage? What matters is that a person, whether male or female has the right to expect that when in the presence of another individual to feel safe. Safety includes without the threat of being abused and if abused that the legal system would be just and swiftly punish the abuser. The numbers don't matter. If we excuse bad behavior, because it's a woman, what are we teaching our children? What example is society setting?

Argument C: Finally, a third woman argued the motto, "If you do something harmful to me...shame on you. If you do something harmful to me again...shame on me." Basically, people are crazy these days and you cannot expect the legal system to protect you. Your number one defense is you. If you - whether male or female find yourself in a domestic violence situation for the first time, you are a victim. After that initial situation, it is your responsibility to protect yourself. If that means never coming in contact with the abuser again, then that's just what you have to do. Thus protecting yourself from being abused again. If you repeatedly find yourself in an abusive situation, then you are the problem.

What do you think?

Bridesmaid Mania - What's The Point? Part 2

Well I said this blog would contain random musings about relationships, break-ups, divorce, etc., so here's a random musing...

In Part 1 of this post, I disclosed that I had previously been a bridesmaid in 8 weddings, 6 of which ended in divorce. That's about a 75% divorce rate...Sheesh! That 's simply awful, but the topic for another post.

I remember, being admonished that the role of the bridal party is to stand as witnesses before God to the covenant relationship. I was also instructed that if either of the parties (bride/groom) were found violating their covenant relationship (the marriage) that I had the right to tell them they were wrong and remind them of the vows they had taken before God and man alike. Well, I held up my end of the bargain...yet they still divorced.

Let's take a trip down memory lane...

Here's how the whole bridesmaids role began (per Wikipedia):

A bridesmaid is a girl or young woman who attends to the bride during or after a wedding or marriage ceremony. Traditionally, bridesmaids were chosen from unwed young women of marriageable age. The principal bridesmaid is called the maid of honor (or matron of honor if she is married). A bridesmaid is often a close friend or sister. Often there is more than one bridesmaid: in modern times the bride chooses how many to have. Historically, no person of status went out unattended, and the size of the retinue was closely calculated to be appropriate to the status of the personage. (Okay, we knew that!)

In early Roman times, bridesmaids formed a kind of bridal infantry as they accompanied the bride to the groom's village. This "protective shield" of similarly outfitted bridesmaids was supposed to intervene if any wayward thugs or vengeful suitors tried to hurt the bride or steal her dowry. (Thank goodness for the police...unless of course you are Rodney King.)

However, the Western bridesmaid tradition seems to have originated from later Roman law, which required ten witnesses at a wedding in order to outsmart evil spirits believed to attend marriage ceremonies. The bridesmaids and ushers dressed in identical clothing to the bride and groom, so that the evil spirits would not know who was getting married. Even as late as 19th century England, there was a belief that ill-wishers could administer curses and taint the wedding. (What about the evil people who seek after and enjoy relationships with married men and women? How do we ward them off?)

Why did you become a bridesmaid? Even better, would you do it again?

David Letterman Writes...

Considering the screen writers are on strike, I was pleasantly surprised by the monologue on last night's October 12, 2007 re-run of the Late Show with David Letterman.

Letterman's monologue closing jab:

"Tonight is the Clinton's 32nd wedding anniversary. Bill and Hillary. Bill, even after 32 years planned a very romantic evening. Dinner by candlelight, dancing, even champagne. And then he went home to Hillary." (Click here to see it live.)

No one has the perfect, but Bill has provided the media with enough material for jokes until the next millennium! When is enough...enough?

Monica Lewinsky...Paula Jones...Gennifer Flowers...Mrs. Claus...Peg Bundy...Miss Piggy...Heidi Fleiss...

Okay forgive me, I exaggerated. Heidi Fleiss wasn't on the list.