Monday, March 31, 2008

Sex And The City

To all of the Sex & the City fans out there, I send a big... hooray!

I absolutely loved the show and eagerly anticipate the release of the movie. However, I was always left pondering the same thought after every episode. "Do men marry women who have sex on the first date?"

Perhaps I am a little old fashioned, but my parents taught me, "Don't give it up so easy! Why would you pay for the cow if you could have the milk for free?" Over the years, through dating, marriage, divorce, dating and marriage again I have always been conscientious of this lesson. It has become very important for me to spend time getting to know the person without the entanglements created by a sexual relationship. Many times, I was quickly able to determine if I really saw potential in a relationship or not - sex never clouded the issue.

Don't be mistaken, I am not saying that I did not want to have sex. However, I was afraid of putting the cart before the horse - knowing how quickly feelings can escalate with the introduction of sex into the relationship. (What's with the animal analogies today?) A couple of guys quickly come to mind from college that in hindsight I realize I was in "sex with them" not love. The difference, at that time, was unrecognizable.

Sex is very powerful and has the ability to create falsehoods. Women have a horrible tendency of "falling in love" with a man solely based on a sexual relationship with no knowledge of his favorite color, mother's name, highest educational level obtained, interest or hobbies. We bond through sex. Yet...who is this person other than the provider of pleasures of the flesh? Similarly men initially engage in sexual relationships for pleasure. However, there is typically no immediate development of emotional attachments. Eventually, if they genuinely like the female men will begin to develop feelings - explaining why it is easier for men to engage in one-night-stands. This doesn't make men wrong...just different. Women get used to it!

So with that said, do men really respect a woman who has sex on the first date? Do they ever enter into committed relationships with these women? Or do they reserve those second level feelings for the woman who is willing to wait?


Mister-M said...

MY question is... how come the "milk/cow" phrase is always brought about while portraying that the "man" as somehow "milking the woman for free?"

It begs two other queries:

1 - How come it isn't ever the woman portrayed as milker and man as milkee?

2 - Do women who tend to toss about this phrase really relish the thought of portraying themselves as "selling" themselves? They have to be "bought?" They are a commodity that men should have "for free?" Doesn't it simply support what many men feel today regarding the "modern woman" (whatever that is)?

I've never liked it and for obvious reasons.

The same reason "Sex and the City" and all it represents shouldn't be something lauded by women... story for another day, I suppose.

Mister-M said...

["...SHOULDN'T have "for free..."]

njm said...


Honestly, I think my parents would have used the same phrase if I were a boy. The lesson was more about the precious nature of virginity including the physical emotional cost of sexual ties NOT at all about a commodity to be bought and sold. If that were the case, we'd be talking about prostitution.

When it comes to sex, there is no price higher than self worth - which is easily decreased and even lost after experiencing bad relationships. I certainly hope neither the modern man nor the modern woman place a price tag on something so valuable as self preservation. If so, the world is in a sad state.

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