Sunday, February 10, 2008

Domestic Violence - The Other Side?

After viewing the post dated Thursday, January 24, 2008, titled Hair Salon Discussions - Domestic Violence, Mister-M co-author of "The Psycho Ex-Wife" left a very passionate comment that I thought needed some exposure.

Check out the comment below and let's discuss...

"I think many people, both men and women are grossly misinformed when it comes to domestic violence and how statistics (in either direction) can be skewed. Recent studies, some multinational, overwhelmingly show that in a relationship, women are almost as likely as men to initiate violence. When you factor in that mandatory arrest policies which exist in most states usually means "arrest the man" - we can't really know how often men are arrested for domestic violence when the reality is - they were defending themselves, oftentimes against a woman wielding a weapon.

It doesn't matter - if a woman shows any damage whatsoever - the man is going to jail regardless of the circumstances. Let's continue - throw in the reality that men have historically been told to "man up and deal with it" - are laughed at by authorities when they report DV - are shunned by abuse centers which are supposed to assist equally - the underreporting of woman-on-man domestic violence is a humongous factor as well.

Finally - just look at the press. All a woman has to do is claim "abuse syndrome" - whether there is any evidence of it or not - and get away with murder (most recently the woman who shot her reverend husband IN THE BACK WITH A SHOTGUN - killing him). Women are rarely, if ever, punished equally for committing like similar crimes as men. It's all about the societal perception and the radical feminist mantra that "we live in a patriarchal society" blah, blah, blah... women are always the victim and men are always the oppresser. Not true - but most people don't care to look more deeply into the issues. They take what is spoon-fed them by the media and what the popular, radical feminist agenda is - and that's their reality. No, I am not a woman-hater. What I don't like is how the laws of this land overwhelmingly favor the women of this country - in criminal court, in civil court, and in divorce and family court... and society at-large is suffering significantly as a result.

That is... men, women, children... families. Everyone. The reason we can't often have reasonable discourse about it is that everyone has their inherent biases and it's very hard for people to set them aside for the greater good. It's all about "what's good for me."

Check out for a peek at the other side, whether you like it or not."

What do you think?


Mister-M said...

Some more food for thought...

Domestic violence: Not Always One Sided

Mention of domestic violence immediately brings to mind an intimidating male batterer. But a 2007 article shows that the problem — also called intimate partner violence — is often more complicated and may involve both women and men as perpetrators.

Nearly 11,000 men and women, a representative sample of the American population ages 18 to 28, participated in a national survey. They were asked the following questions about their most important recent sexual or romantic relationship:

1 - How often in the past year have you threatened your partner with violence, pushed him or her, or thrown something at him or her that could hurt, and how often has your partner done that to you?

2 - How often in the past year have you hit, slapped, or kicked your partner, and how often has your partner done that to you?

3 - If there has been any violence in your relationship, how often has either partner suffered an injury, such as a sprain, bruise, or cut?

Almost 25% of the people surveyed — 28% of women and 19% of men — said there was some violence in their relationship.

Women admitted perpetrating more violence (25% versus 11%) as well as being victimized more by violence (19% versus 16%) than men did.

According to both men and women, 50% of this violence was reciprocal, that is, involved both parties, and in those cases the woman was more likely to have been the first to strike.

Violence was more frequent when both partners were involved, and so was injury — to either partner. In these relationships, men were more likely than women to inflict injury (29% versus 19%).

When the violence was one-sided, both women and men said that women were the perpetrators about 70% of the time. Men were more likely to be injured in reciprocally violent relationships (25%) than were women when the violence was one-sided (20%).

That means both men and women agreed that men were not more responsible than women for intimate partner violence. The findings cannot be explained by men's being ashamed to admit hitting women, because women agreed with men on this point.

The authors say they have no intention of minimizing the very real problem of serious domestic violence — the classic male batterer. The survey did not cover the use of knives, guns, choking, or burning, and it was not concerned with the kind of situation that can drive a woman to seek shelter outside the home. The view of the authors is that most intimate partner violence should not be equated with severe battering. Domestic disputes that turn physical because of retaliation and escalation do not have the same causes or the same consequences as male battering.

Couples counseling is generally regarded as ineffective for batterers, but if the violence is moderate and the injuries are minor, both partners are involved, and they want to stay together, it makes sense for a therapist to work with both of them.

Whitaker DJ, et al. "Differences in Frequency of Violence and Reported Injury between Relationships with Reciprocal and Nonreciprocal Intimate Partner Violence," American Journal of Public Health (May 2007): Vol. 97, No. 5, pp. 941–47.

Copyright Harvard Health Publications - 2007

Anonymous said...

Er, having been there myself, as a woman. I do not find this to be the case. When I found out my husband was cheating on me I went to our house to confront him. I didn't say anything right away but I did pick up his phone and start to scroll through his text messages. The things I read about myself... out of his mouth caused me to go into a blind rage. When he came into the study and saw me going through the messages, he started screaming at me and told me that he was going to have the police come and chuck me out of MY OWN HOUSE. I lost it, I started whacking him on the head with the phone shrieking, "How dare you do this to me!!!???" And he said he was calling the cops. I said you can't kick me out of my own house, yes indeed, lets call them. So I dialed 911 and he yanked the phone out of the wall. By the time the officer got there I was in a fetal position crying and he was just sitting there, totally stunned at the violence. I was shocked and disgusted that I could be brought so low, act so deranged. The cop asked us what was going on and I told him I whacked my husband about the head with a mobile phone and they took me to jail for domestic assault. My husband begged him not to but the cop did anyway. So I called the cops on myself and admitted to what I had done. It was just the most foolish pathetic thing ever.

It was eventually thrown out of court and dismissed, expunged, no court fees, nothing. But I did spend one horrid soul killing night in jail. I accept that. But what that man did to me was so much more far reaching, screwing up my life, my children's lives... where's his night in jail? I would have much rather been whacked over the head with a phone than having to go through what he did to me. but he never did strike me, never fought back. I am still ashamed. It was one thing I definitely did wrong, when if I had just stopped myself, he would have just been the asshole. Not just men...