Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Divorce Stigma

Yes, I admit it...I was previously married and divorced. Currently, I am married to my second husband who I love dearly. He's a keeper!

Nevertheless, my first marriage ended one-sided. I didn't want to get divorced but unfortunately that doesn't matter to the legal system. If one party wants out...well the law let's them out. The one thing I remember about being separated and subsequently divorced was the great amount of guilt and shame I felt. Even though I tried repeatedly, albeit unsuccessfully, to salvage the marriage. Yet it seemed that I carried all of the guilt.

I never wanted to be a divorced woman. It seemed at the time that if I were divorced that I was a failure. Inevitably, I internalized a lot of my ex-husband's issues as though they were my own. The constant self-evaluations were draining! It seemed during that period that I wore a plaque on my forehead that proclaimed..."DIVORCED!" That all the world knew my story and secretly blamed me. Yes, looking back in hindsight it sounds like paranoia, but my feelings were real. Those very feelings made me afraid and ashamed to tell my family and friends.

It was not until I began developing a friendship with my current husband, further cultivating my relationship with God, as well as, attending regular counseling sessions that I was able to let those feelings go and completely heal. It is my belief that I am not the only person that experienced these types of marauding emotions.

If you experienced these same or similar types of emotions, while in the midst of separation and divorce, please share how you overcame them. Share how you moved onto to being emotionally healthy and mentally whole. Your story could change the life of someone currently struggling.

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